Windows Fucking Update

So i'm like ginning my way round the interweb, when my 'terminal' complete with Microgates Wundowz Bitsa starts playing funny buggers, so i do what any good home techie would do, i reboot about 6 times, and after getting high on the amount of coffee's i can make in the time it takes to boot the 'system' i decide that the noodle whiz farty isn't compliant with the arch ting dung and i might be best served doing a fresh install, which i've found out is a little like a fresh turd, only not as satisfying.

So i set upon my journey, alas though without a guild for support, and 4 beers later i have figured out how to make the 'terminal' stop doing that 'FAST BOOT' that i have been outrun by it's that fast, and let me set to boot from the 'RECOVERY DISK' which all good homes should have... when you become an alcoholic unemployed nervous wreck, perhaps from being a professional IT person, you should neatly insert this disk in your rectum and plug your finger into the wall socket.

so into the wee hours of the night, i discover i need a second disk which has some kind of hidden treasure on it, that is to this laptop what heroin is to Balga chicks. the spare room with the packing boxes in it now looks like the TRG has just jumped all over it looking for something illegal, like pictures of me jaywalking.

easy part over, wundowz installed, and only in a few short hair tearing hours, but it's not over yet, i reinstall all the good stuff that makes the internet make me happy, ie firefox, ad ware, spybot, and most importantly, utorrent and winamp. And stop it from doing those fucking annoying welcome screens telling me how lucky i am to have an asus laptop POWERED by windows vista, ati, synaptics, norton, and moo juice.

SO i'm done right ? internet ahoy! 'sorry son, we still have some more tests to run before we let you have a gun'. 'Windows has a new update' well ok i think, i'll let it do it's update, could be fairly big but you get that. so on the mouse and wheel internet it takes it's time but it's done. 'windows needs to reboot', oh for fuck sake, i'm in the middle of some really fucking important elven blood here. reboot... 'windows has an update' FUCK, wouldn't you do it with the last update? 'windows has installed important updates' fucking yeehaa, back to youtube and facebook.. 'windows has new updates available' FUCK, is this some kind of sick joke ?? i better do it, or the little window might turn into some kind of angry llama and poke me in the eye... 'windows needs to be restarted' COME ON MAN, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NEW LAMB OF GOD ALBUM...

reboot... 'windows has a new update' WHAT THE FUCK??? i can see you hiding behind that fucking animated window cunt!!! 'windows has installed important updates, click to see'... hmmm lets see, security patch, security patch, security patch, man this is like some kind of fucking patchwork quilt... back to metal... 'windows has important updates' THATS FUCKING IT, WHAT THE FUCK ???? WHY DON'T YOU INSTALL THEM ALL AT ONCE NOT AT 2 HOUR INTERVALS ???? jebus-mc-fucking-christ, that's like me telling some broad that i want to root her but only 3 strokes at a time then come back in a couple of hours and slip one in again, then come back again and have a reach around, this is retarded OH MY GOD THERE IT IS AGAIN WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO UPDATE NOW, this security screen must be hanging off the fucking hinges by now

fuck it, i think i should follow this lead... i'm going to sleep, fuckit

Vince Colosiwho ?

Am I the only cunt in australia who knows who Vince Colosimo is but does not know why ? The guy is portrayed as some kind of legendary 'aussie' wog actor, but fucked if I could name anything the guy actually starred in for more than a nanosecond.

As I squat in front of the box and watch him hosting "Customs" I try to think what it could be that makes this guy so fucking well known. In my recent (poor) memory he played Alphonse Gangitano in last years blockbuster "Underbelly" but he was shot dead in the first episode which should have been enough time for him to use up the entire sets worth of olive oil and pita bread. Before that, I recall him being shot in the leg by Eric Bana, playing Mark "Chopper" Read, in the epic comedic scene during the Chopper movie which made the words "Why would I shoot him then run him to hospital, it defeats the purpose of having shot him" timelessly famous.

Lets take a quick look at his wiki, which is the guage by which you have 'made it' with notable exceptions Stephen Bradbury, oh and having your own facebook fan page DOES NOT count.

Ok, quick skim read... A Country Practice (yawn), The Wog Boy, yeah ok kudos to that flik, but come on, every greasy haired 'aussie' got a gig in that movie and he was only a bit part to the guy from "Acropolis Now" with the hair, Nick Giannopo-something. "The Nugget", don't actually remember him in that but ok. Hang on, I might have found something

"...From 2005 until late 2007, Colosmio had guest roles in Blue Heelers (2005), MDA (2005), Two Twisted (2006) and City Homicide (2007). His American credits include popular shows such as The Practice (2004) and Without a Trace (2003)..."

HE'S A FOOKING RENT A WOG, I get it, every time a television show needs a 'token' wog, they call vince, or nick giannopo-whatever (depending on the hair season). he's like what ernie dingo is to aboriginals, Magda Szubanski to michelin, Jay Laga'aia to sheep, and Stephen Currie to stupid.

On that note i'm going to go watch Underbelly2 hopefully there's some exposed 70's boobs and arse slapping like Underbelly1, I recommend you do so too.

Natural Disaster - FUCK YEAH

When Bruce Gyngell said those immortal words "Good evening everyone and welcome to television" I wonder if he thought he had started an electronic piece
of fly paper. We all know it's bad for you but we're drawn to it's sticky goodness only to be trapped by it and find it's not really what we thought it was.

My day to day life is kept as simple as humanly possible, I get out of bed, I make a coffee and sit down to watch Kochy and his pathetic jokes before I set off into the great jungle of reality. This morning I was greeted by a fucking flood of journo's humming towards the Victorian bushfires like those flies to the sticky paper. Ever seen the tide come in up north in low gradient ? squint and you will see Liz Hayes and her entourage of make up artists, camermen, sound and visual techs, psychologist, script guy, legal advisor, and the ghost of Richard Carlton. Look a little closer and Ray Martin's hair can be seen.

Do these cunts really give a fuck about these people ? Every time there is a natural disaster or human tragedy these leeches are onto it like Kevin Rudd onto his next private jet to Malaysia. Remember those two bogans trapped down the mine shaft ? I don't, but the chocolate wheel and ping pong ball clowns outside the mines front gate seems to stick in my memory. Legend has it Richard Carlton really died because the party hat he was wearing was contricting the blood flow.

Now don't get me wrong, there is some real genuine fucking suffering, people dying, life long injuries, and the threat of Eddie McGuire making an appearance to pitch a bid to exclusively interview some kid with half his face missing. But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK, this shit makes me sick. Some nuffy from channel 9 the other day bought himself a brand spanking new SES jumpsuit (so newly bright it in itself could have caused 3rd degree burns) and ponced around the death zone like he was a kid with a magnifying glass.

Suddenly Safari suit tops are also the rage when you're on location at a natural disaster, like they think they are some BBC correspondant on mission in Rwanda who speaks only through his nostrils.

Things must have been quiet this week, then some fat cunt in the head office of Channel Borg peeled himself off his Count Dracula office chair to scream 'NATURAL DISASTER FUCK YEAH, get your sweet arse down there, and take some lollypops for the charcoaled kid with no parents' *HIGH FIVE*

And all the while, I can't even channel hop through our admittedly poor choice of channels to find something midly interesting as some c grade celebrity cooking a fat buster lunch, while trying to quietly mull over this tragedy without being bombarded with some fucking shiney foreheaded news reporter sticking a mic in the gob of a new widow who's suffering from smoke inhalation.

FUCK, time for an SBS tit search, apparently I missed Miss Nude Australia last week while the cricket was on, they just don't fucking think when they schedule this shit.