Windows Fucking Update

So i'm like ginning my way round the interweb, when my 'terminal' complete with Microgates Wundowz Bitsa starts playing funny buggers, so i do what any good home techie would do, i reboot about 6 times, and after getting high on the amount of coffee's i can make in the time it takes to boot the 'system' i decide that the noodle whiz farty isn't compliant with the arch ting dung and i might be best served doing a fresh install, which i've found out is a little like a fresh turd, only not as satisfying.

So i set upon my journey, alas though without a guild for support, and 4 beers later i have figured out how to make the 'terminal' stop doing that 'FAST BOOT' that i have been outrun by it's that fast, and let me set to boot from the 'RECOVERY DISK' which all good homes should have... when you become an alcoholic unemployed nervous wreck, perhaps from being a professional IT person, you should neatly insert this disk in your rectum and plug your finger into the wall socket.

so into the wee hours of the night, i discover i need a second disk which has some kind of hidden treasure on it, that is to this laptop what heroin is to Balga chicks. the spare room with the packing boxes in it now looks like the TRG has just jumped all over it looking for something illegal, like pictures of me jaywalking.

easy part over, wundowz installed, and only in a few short hair tearing hours, but it's not over yet, i reinstall all the good stuff that makes the internet make me happy, ie firefox, ad ware, spybot, and most importantly, utorrent and winamp. And stop it from doing those fucking annoying welcome screens telling me how lucky i am to have an asus laptop POWERED by windows vista, ati, synaptics, norton, and moo juice.

SO i'm done right ? internet ahoy! 'sorry son, we still have some more tests to run before we let you have a gun'. 'Windows has a new update' well ok i think, i'll let it do it's update, could be fairly big but you get that. so on the mouse and wheel internet it takes it's time but it's done. 'windows needs to reboot', oh for fuck sake, i'm in the middle of some really fucking important elven blood here. reboot... 'windows has an update' FUCK, wouldn't you do it with the last update? 'windows has installed important updates' fucking yeehaa, back to youtube and facebook.. 'windows has new updates available' FUCK, is this some kind of sick joke ?? i better do it, or the little window might turn into some kind of angry llama and poke me in the eye... 'windows needs to be restarted' COME ON MAN, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NEW LAMB OF GOD ALBUM...

reboot... 'windows has a new update' WHAT THE FUCK??? i can see you hiding behind that fucking animated window cunt!!! 'windows has installed important updates, click to see'... hmmm lets see, security patch, security patch, security patch, man this is like some kind of fucking patchwork quilt... back to metal... 'windows has important updates' THATS FUCKING IT, WHAT THE FUCK ???? WHY DON'T YOU INSTALL THEM ALL AT ONCE NOT AT 2 HOUR INTERVALS ???? jebus-mc-fucking-christ, that's like me telling some broad that i want to root her but only 3 strokes at a time then come back in a couple of hours and slip one in again, then come back again and have a reach around, this is retarded OH MY GOD THERE IT IS AGAIN WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO UPDATE NOW, this security screen must be hanging off the fucking hinges by now

fuck it, i think i should follow this lead... i'm going to sleep, fuckit